Wats the funniest joke u know?

Lewis Ranft: These jokes make me laugh so much hope they do to to you :DJokes come from other users who posted hilarious jokes on Yahoo! AnswersWhile visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back...?"Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, 'Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell ! them that you are dying of AIDS?'The father replies, 'I don't want them screwing your mother after I'm gone!'After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighterUnable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand."There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.Naturally, the guy began to worry."Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously."No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him."Your boyfriend then?" he asked."No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear."Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."Three men walk into a cave, and hear a voice from the back."I'm coming to get you! And I'm going to eat you!"The first man runs away.They hear the voice again."I'm getting closer! An! d I'm going to eat you!"The second man runs away.The voice com! es once more."I've nearly got you! And I'm going to eat you!"The last man bravely walks on.And at the very back of the cave, he finds a small boy picking his nose.A man went into the public toilets to relieve himself. The first cubicle was in use, so he went into the next one. As he took down his trousers, he heard a voice from the other cubicle."Hey, hows it going?"Not wanting to be rude, he replied, "Not too bad thanks."A few seconds later, he heard the voice again."What are you up to?"Somewhat reluctantly, he replied, "Having a quick sh*t, what about you?"He heard the voice again."Hold on, I'm going to have to call you back. There's some wise a.ss in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say!!Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Shelly. Shelly was very girly and liked wearing pretty skirts. She wore skirts every day.One day at school, a young boy named Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym. So Shelly did.When Shelly got home, she told her mom abo! ut her day, and included the part about the jungle gym."Shelly, don't do that. He might just be trying to look at your underwear." said her mother.What the big deal was, Shelly didn't understand.The next day Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym again. So she did.Shelly again told her mother about her day, including the jungle gym moment."Didn't I tell you, young lady?" fumed her mother. "He just wants to see your underwear!""But Mommy, I tricked him," said Shelly. "Today I didn't wear any underwear!"A guy walks into the bar and the white bartender says, we don't serve colored people .The man replies, I don't understand why you white people call us colored because :When I born, I black.When I grow up, I black.When I go in sun, I black.When I cold, I black.When I scared, I black.When I sick, I black.And when I die, I still black.You white folksWhen you born, you pink.When you grow up, you white.When you go in sun, you red.When you cold, you blue.When you scared, you ye! llow.When you sick, you green.When you bruised, you purple.And when you! die, you gray.There was a red man and a green man the red man invites the green man over to dinner while cooking dinner the red man goes to freshen up a bit in the shower but the green man comes early while the red man was in the shower he heard the door so put a towel around him and answered it but as he opened it a big gust of wind came and blew the towel away... the green man ran across the road and got hit by a bus. The moral of the story is don't cross the road when the red man is flashing!Source(s):Users on Yahoo! Answers that posted jokes. These are jokes that I have personally liked....Show more

Sook Hershkowitz: Where do people that say "darn" and "shoot" go?To heck.

Laveta Fathy: why are black people so tall?cuzz their nee-grows

Karie Mavle: There's a blonde that goes to a store to buy a new T.V. She goes to one of the clerks and points to one of the T.V.s and says: "Can I have that T.V.?" The clerk stares at her and says: "No, you're a dumb blo! nde." So the blonde goes to the wig store and buys a brown (brunette) wig. She comes back to the store to, goes to a different clerk, points to the same T.V.,and says: "Can I have that T.V.?" The clerk stares at her and says: "No, you're a dumb blonde." So the blonde goes back to the wig store and buys a black wig. She comes back to the store to, goes to a different clerk, points to the same T.V.,and says: "Can I have that T.V.?" The clerk stares at her and says: "No, you're a dumb blonde." The blonde throws off her wig and asks: "How did you know that I'm a dumb blonde?" A clerk points at the T.V. and says: "That's a microwave."-A boy goes to school and the teacher asks him if he knows the first 4 letters of the alphabet. He says no, so he goes home to ask his family. He first asks his father what's the first letter of the alphabet and he's on the computer. He says: "Shut up!" Then, he asks his sister what's the second letter of the alphabet and she's listening to her Ipod! and singing along. She says (singing along), "OOHhhhhhhhhhhhh yessssss! baby" He then goes to his mother (she's in her recliner chair) and asks what's the 3rd letter of the alphabet. She says: "Ohhhhh this is sooooo comfortable! (the recliner chair that is)" He then asks his brother what the 4th letter of the alphabet is. His brother is on his cellphone calling his girlfriend. He says: "Sweetie, I won't be here tomorrow." the boy goes to school the next day and the teacher asks what the first 4 letters of the alphabet is. He says: "Shut up!" The teacher says: "Did you just say what I thought you just said?" The boy says: "OOHhhhhhhhhhhhh yessssss baby" The teacher starts to smack his butt (this must be China). The boy says: "Ohhhhh this is sooooo comfortable!" The teacher stops and says: "Oh, you wait... oh you wait till tomorrrow until you feel comfortable!" They boy says: "Sweetie, I won't be here tomorrow"-A super samurai and his apprentice are inside a house. The samurai suddenly takes out his sword and slices at a fly that is buzzing arou! nd, and then puts the sword back in the holder.Apprentice: But master, the fly is still alive!Samurai: That may be true, but it will never have sex again!...Show more

Byron Fortmann: WARNING! May be offensive to some!What do you call a black man flying an airplane? l l l l l l l l l l lVA PILOT, you racist bastard!...Show more

Kara Tabian: this is a cold joke:once upon a time, a polar bear got bored and decided to pull out his own fur one by one. After he pulled out the last fur he has, he sat down for a while and said:"burr.. i feel cold..."LOL.. i always laugh at this, don't know if you will find it funny.. hehe

Ezekiel Kadner: A boy comes home from school and his mother asks him what he did today. He says ''i had sex with the teacher''! his mother sends him to his room and waits till his father comes home.she tells him what happened and he goes up to his sons room and says '' son im very proud of you''! im going to get you that bike you've always wante! d! the next day when his son comes home from school he asks him if he w! ants to go to the shop on his new bike, he replies '' sorry dad my butt still hurts! get it?...Show more

Charlotte Bryar: No best answer yet! and paul i didnt get uY everyone is telling jokes of sex

Jade Ohno: Some persons stated that after a black guy could turn out to be prestident, it could be while pigs fly. So in Obama's first one hundred days, swine flu! And... one million. CRACK open your briefcase or purse, peer within and ask "Got sufficient air in there?" two. STAND silent and immobile within the nook going through the wall with out getting off. three. WHEN arriving at your ground, grunt and stress to yank the doorways open, then act as though you are embarrassed after they open themselves.... four. GREET all people with a hot handshake and ask her or him to name you Admiral. five. MEOW from time to time.. 6. STARE at a further passenger for a at the same time. Then announce in horror: "You're one in every of THEM" - and again away slowly 7. SAY ‘din! g!’ at every ground. eight. SAY "I surprise what these kinds of do?" And push all of the purple buttons. nine. MAKE explosion noises while any individual presses a button. 10. STARE, grinning at a further passenger for a at the same time, then announce: "I have new socks on." eleven. WHEN the elevator is silent, seem round and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12. TRY to make individual calls at the emergency telephone.. thirteen. DRAW a little bit rectangular at the ground with chalk and announce to the opposite passengers: "This is my individual house." 14.. WHEN there may be best an additional character within the elevator, faucet them at the shoulder, then faux it wasn't you. 15. PUSH the buttons and fake they provide you a surprise. Smile, and return for extra. sixteen. ASK if you'll push the button for different persons however push the incorrect ones. 17. HOLD the doorways open and say you are looking ahead to your buddy. After a at the same time, allow the doorways near! and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18. DROP a pen and wait till a! ny individual reaches to aid select it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19. BRING a digital camera and take snap shots of all people within the carry. 20. PRETEND you are a flight attendant and evaluation emergency strategies and exits with the passengers. 21. SWAT at flies that do not exist. 22. CALL out "Group hug" then implement it. 23. MAKE vehicle race noises while any individual will get on or off. 24. CONGRATULATE focused on being within the identical carry with you. 25. GRIMACE painfully at the same time smacking your brow and muttering: "Shut up, all of you simply close UP!" 26. WALK on with a cooler that claims "human head" at the aspect. 27. WHILE the doorways are establishing, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...rapid!" then whistle innocently. 28. LET your phone telephone ring - do not reply it. 29. WALK into the carry and say "This rings a bell in my memory of being buried alive. Ah, the ones had been the times..." 30. TAKE footwear off earlier than getting into. Th! en seem stunned and disgusted while the others do not. 31. ASK persons which ground they wish, say in 'Who wish to be a millionaire' variety is that your last reply. 32. ALSO for your bellboy act, ask what ground they wish. Whatever they are saying, provide them a glare and say "you will have to be embarrassed about your self!", and depart the carry tutting. 33. ENTER the elevator with not anything to your head. Individually ask all people if they prefer your hat. Act angry after they inform you you’re now not dressed in something and accuse them of mendacity. 34. TELL persons that you'll see their air of secrecy. 35.. WHEN the doorways near, announce to the others, "It's ok. Don't panic, they open up once more.." 36. ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I have got to uncover a extra suitable host frame." 37. DRESS up in a protracted, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time....” 38. START respiring closely and clutch your chest while any individ! ual walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air 39. WHEN any individual ! is available in ask them to press 5 - 6 one of a kind flooring forty. GET in and do not press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be known as someplace and repeat 39. forty one. IF you're the one one within the elevator, press the entire buttons and stand, staring on the door, looking ahead to any individual to return. forty two. LAUGH maniacally each time any individual appears at you and say you are right here for the intellectual wellness conference. forty three. LAY down the tornado mat and ask persons in the event that they could love to play. forty four. LEAVE a field within the nook, and while any individual will get on; ask them if they may be able to pay attention ticking... forty five. WEAR a puppet to your hand and use it to speak to the opposite passengers. forty six. LISTEN to the elevator partitions together with your stethoscope. forty seven. DO the "potty dance" all of the approach to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and seem widely relieved. forty ei! ght. PLACE potted crops and water fountains at strategic places within the carry. When persons ask what you're doing, inform them you "may not experience an elevator that is now not feng shui." forty nine. HUM the primary six notes of the "It's a small global" over and over. 50. BRING a melon onto the elevator. Try to promote it to the opposite passengers. fifty one... DRUM on each to be had floor. fifty two. WRITE a gigantic X at the elevator ground, and hand out "pirate" maps to all people as they input. fifty three. SAY "ring ring," then pull a banana from your pocket and begin speaking into it. A few seconds after, positioned it again for your pocket and announce to different passengers that you just had been speaking in your puppy monkey in prison. fifty four. COME on watching quite scared, and say to a further passenger..."I'm kinda anxious...that is my first time flying..." fifty five. EVERY time the elevator is going down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna ! die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved whil! e it stops relocating. When you start to drop once more, repeat....Show more

Ha Wolski: funniest joke "life"just observe it you will find a lot of meaning to my answer.

Toney Flaten: How do you f u c k a fat woman?Roll her in flour and look for the wet bit.